So I meant to look more into depth about that gym that is about 5mins away from my work, but I completely forgot about it, I had so much other stuff going on today…
I didn’t eat too badly, however I did have some chocolate ice cream. I know I shouldn’t have. I have also felt all day like my period was going to start, but according to my tracker app I’m not due for another week… I started keeping a track of it as it seemed to be all over the place, just so I had a record of it.
> “Move”: 1,667kjs
> “Exercise”: 7mins
> Steps: 5,457
> Total distance walked today: 3.87kms
So, I loosely researched gyms today haha. There is one about 5-10mins away from my work that I could potentially use before and after work. So imma look more into that.
Didn’t do my morning and evening walk again, due to ridiculous high temperatures again, but I did do some walking around a shopping centre for Christmas presents 😂
> “Move”: 2,362kjs
> “Exercise”: 7mins
> Steps: 10,407
> Total distance walked today: 7.06kms
I really don’t know what I am going to do. I feel like I may need to start going to a gym again. Another day has passed with it being 30 degrees celsius plus and I just cant do it. I cant walk/exercise my dog in this extreme heat. Whereas if I am in a gym I will be inside aircon. I don’t know what to do.
> “Move”: 1,623kj
> “Exercise”: 12mins
> Steps: 5,654
> Total Distance Walked Today: 4.13kms
One of the worse physical symptoms of my anxiety that caused me to go on medication because I couldn’t handle it anymore was my heart would race. So fast.
Like it literally was going to beat so fast I was going to have a heart attack. Or my heart would escape out of my chest. I could feel my pulse throbbing through my entire body in my veins. Like my veins could explode from the force of the blood that my heart was rushing through them. I couldn’t breathe. Like, I could breathe, but I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And that would just make the anxiety worse. Because then my body would go into overdrive panic mode which would then make it even harder to breathe. And the vicious cycle begins. And when I am in public, or at work, its not really an ideal situation.
I would have this along with sweating palms, hot flushes, and the need to flight (over fight). Whether that was also caused by my racing heart, I don’t know. It then got so severe, and so re-occurant that I couldn’t handle it any longer.
And then when I started to take the medication the physical symptoms began to disappear. Which was amazing. But then I started to feel depressed. Like, literal depression was upon me. I don’t know if the physical symptoms were blocking the depression, or whether the medication was causing those feelings. My partner, and my therapist both think it is the former. I honestly don’t know. The former does seem more likely, but I cant disregard the latter altogether when antidepressants can increase the desire to commit suicide can I?
Not that I am suicidal. Argh, I digress. Lately, maybe the past fortnight or so, my heart has been racing again. But at seemingly random times. I could be driving along, singing along to music, and bam heart starts having palpitations, or I could be in the shower, or falling asleep, or watching tv, you get the idea. Or writing this post. It has just started.
I don’t know why it has started again. But I want it to stop. I need it to stop.
Sorry for not posting yesterday guys, and tonights post will be very brief also, long story short I had to change phones (temporarily until I get my new one 🙂 ) and I got locked out of my account/couldn’t get into my account. Which hopefully doesn’t happen again when I get my new phone. And I have to get up early for work so I will be going to bed ASAP.
One problem that I shamefully haven’t thought of/factored into this while thing is that it is coming into summer. And its getting quite hot. Like I was running errands yesterday and every time I stepped outside I was punched in the face by a heat wave. And because of this I didn’t exercise because it was just way too hot. I’m going to have to work something out with that. Because it was the same thing today. Over 30 degrees Celsius and the last thing I want to be doing is going for a walk outside.
> “Move”: 1,619kjs
> “Exercise”: 13mins
> Steps: 5,301
> Total Distance walked today: 3.91kms
Weigh in day.. Not surprisingly I did not lose weight this week. More hurtful than that is actually the fact that I put on weight. I am still lighter than I was 14 days ago, but put on just over half of what I lost last week. I cannot keep doing this.
I put on 700g. So last week I had lost 1.2kgs and today when I weighed myself I was 700g heavier. I shouldn’t be surprised. I was not expecting to lose weight. But still putting on weight hurts. Even when I 100% know it is my fault; it was almost 7 days of bad choices. I didn’t do my two daily walks, and I ate poorly.
> “Move”: 1,525kjs (approx 364 calories)
> “Exercise”: 2mins
> Steps: 7,263
> Total Distance Travelled Today: 4.63km (or approx 2.8 miles)
So tomorrow is weigh in number two since starting this. And honestly, I am nervous. I don’t expect anything positive, but I also know if its not I will be bummed. And I have no right to be. I have made bad choices this week, and I will see that tomorrow morning when I step on the scales again.
I did my morning walk this morning. My alarm went off, and I turned it off and laid there for minutes, and then got myself up. And I’m not going to lie; most times I go for walks it makes me happy at some stage of the process. Almost like my body can literally feel the serotonin. Whether its when the walk first starts and I’m proud of myself for doing it, or part way through when I can feel the sun shining on me and the world seems new and fresh and clean, or when I’m nearing the end and starting to feel it in my muscles, or even when I am finished and I am either left with an energy high or I am worn out, but in a good way. Not this morning. I don’t think I enjoyed a single minute of my walk. But you know what? That doesn’t matter to me today; what matters is that I got out of bed and did it. And I am aiming to do it again tomorrow morning, after the moment of truth and consequence of my actions for the past week.
I didn’t go on my evening walk.. So I left work early because I had time in lieu, which was exciting 🙂 I was thinking about taking the doggo back to the beach, as leaving an hour early would have given us just enough light that it probably would have been just getting dark when we would have finished up. And then it starting raining whilst I was driving home… I did however end up walking to dinner; the girlfriend and I decided we would go out for dinner (again, like with the Xbox last night, it is something that we haven’t done in a long time), and it had stopped raining and we decided to walk to the pub near us which is about five minutes away. I got chicken and veggies, and it was so tasty. I did eat some ice-cream today. First ice-cream I have eaten in a fortnight. It was so good, but I didn’t let myself over-indulge either. Still probably shouldn’t have eaten it though, given my behaviour this week. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and my week will reset.
Imma sign off and crash though, so I can be sure to get up at 6am with my morning walk alarm!
> “Move”: 2,110kj (or approx 504 calories)
> “Exercise”: 2mins
> Workout: Morning Walk; 2.04kms (or approx 1.2 miles)
> Steps: 9,997
> Total Distance Walked for Day: 6.46kms (or approx 4 miles)