As you may have seen from previous posts I have put up in the past week or so, I have been having a rough 1-2 weeks… This has hopefully be turned around today!
I decided about 2 weeks ago, that I would get up early to walk my pug before I have to go to work every day. And then again at night, either when I got home from work, or after I had dinner.
I was yet to bring myself to actually do it. Until today. I decided last night I was getting up and walking my pug in the morning. Granted, I didnt work today so I didnt have to get up at sunrise, but everything has to start somewhere right? So when I got up this morning, at about 8:30am, I made my pre-work out, put on my exercise clothes, put my dog in her harness and off we went. There is a walking path behind our house, and I have intended on walking it since we moved here 4months ago, and today is the first day I have used it. I told myself I would walk for 15mins then turn around and head back. We went a little longer, as it goes behind our old house and I wanted to walk to there, but 40mins and 2kms later we were back home. And I felt great!! I tried to enjoy as much of the walk as I could; the morning sun, the fresh air, moving my body, spending time with my dog, even being amused by how bad my dogs lead skills are lol. I actively concentrated on all these things to get as much joy as I could out of them.
When I got home, I messaged my best friend, telling her how great I felt and that I hoped it wasnt just coincidence, as I was planning to make this my daily ritual, and really hoped that I would be able to retain that happiness past today. I had heard exercise produces endorphins, and my friend confirmed this and said it likely was the walk/exercise. So I am making this commitment to myself, and my beautiful crazy dog, to do this everyday. I will follow through with this. I will make myself get up every morning and do this.
Now, if you are still reading, here is the real nugget I stumbled across in my joyful state; I create my own reality. You create your own reality. Every human being has the ability to create their own reality.
As mentioned previously, I have been especially struggling this past fortnight. And majority of my struggles have come from external parties. And you know what? Whilst life is hard, and it will always have its pains along with its joy; I cant control others, to get what I want, but you know what I can control? Myself. And how I respond to events. How I allow others to make me feel. Pulling yourself out a funk can be hard, but be honest with yourself; how many times have you been in a funk and not pulled yourself out of it because you dont want to? You dont want to let go of the anger and the hurt? I will raise my hand and be the first to admit I am guilty of this. There are times when I am feeling shitty, and say to myself “Ok, pull yourself out of this/snap yourself out this etc” and my brain responding with “Why?/Dont want to/Whats the point? etc”. Surely I am not the only one guilty of this.
When I was going to see a psychologist a year ago (I have gone in the past and not found it helpful, this time around however I really did), she was talking to me about mindfulness. I dont know how new it is, but it is being used as a non-medication treatment for anxiety primarily, but also for depression. I dont fully understand it yet, but from what I can understand it is about being aware of your actions and surroundings rather than going through life on auto-pilot, and is aided by meditation. I did a mini meditation in one of our sessions, one on breathing (which seems to be a primary intro one, given its relative ease to complete). I use this meditation, only for short periods as allows, most days. I find I use it most nights when I am trying to fall asleep, with my own twist; alot of them will tell you to focus on either your nose, chest, or stomach – I follow my breath as it comes in my nose, and makes it “circle” around my body, with the fresh cold air “sweeping” out the anxiety. I digress however; I intend to begin meditation, and continue walking my dog, and try to change my mindset to create my own happiness.
One of the things I have struggled with mindfulness/meditation is the practice of “observing your thoughts without focusing them”. The idea of this is to allow your thoughts to be, without paying them much heed. To imagine you are laying in the grass and your thoughts are clouds that are to see, and acknowledge, but to watch float by without paying them lingering attention. My thoughts are at times very strong, and refuse to be ignored. Today, however, I was doing the mindless task of sweeping our floor, and my brain wandered down a negative path and was telling me hurtful things. And you know what I did? I told myself that the thoughts were serving no purpose but to cause me harm, and I told them to shut up. And for the most part they have. Everything takes time right?
So my challenge to myself going forward; strive for honest to god happiness. Yeah, not every moment is going to be joy. Life will still throw curve balls at me. But I am going to try so hard to create my own reality, and have it be a good one. I am going to try to post updates too, to keep myself accountable as much to hopefully help any of you reading this going through your own battles, trying to come out smiling.
Please join in on my challenge, and change your mind to change your life 🙂