Random Thoughts and Ideas · Uncategorized

Marriage Equality in Australia…

So this is a hard post for me. I dont even know if I will end up finishing and posting this. Or if I do, whether it will be in one sitting..

I have been “sitting on” this post for days now already. This is an issue that really hits home for me.

I believe in true love. I know, it sounds cliche and maybe just plain dumb. But it is the truth. If you have read any of my previous blog posts about my childhood, you know that my parents got divorced when I was a baby. You would also know that my “father” also isnt my father.. What I havent really previously touched on is the fact that from the ages of 4-8yrs old I was basically raised by my nan and grandpa. When my mother left my social father she moved her and I to another state. Then when I was close to 4 and getting ready to go to school my mother moved us in with my nan and grandpa as she preferred the schooling system in this state.. She then began working fulltime. Being a single mum good on her right. Her work ethic is amazing. And I did inherit that from her, and I am 99% glad of that lol. She also worked a lot of overtime. Again, good for her right trying to get as much money as she could. I didnt grow up in child care of with a babysitter, I was safe and happy with my grandparents. And I honestly wouldnt trade that time with them for everything in the world. They loved me so much. And they were my world. I’m not going to delve any further into my mother here, as this is actually about my grandparents. Again, I feel like I am digressing from the topic, but stick with me I swear it is relevant. And the best way I feel I can express how I feel about this..

I grew up wanting the love they had, for myself. And the older I got the more that desire grew. I wanted what they had. (And at this stage my eyes are welling with tears… My grandpa passed away two years ago. He was truly a beautiful soul). I wanted that love that could handle any obstacle that life threw their way. They never had serious, lasting fights (honestly, it was amusing – they would literally huff at each other, tell each other they were cranky, and after a few minutes of silence they were good to go!!). They built a life together, in every sense of the word. There was marriage, children, grandchildren, holidays, houses, cars, pets. They believed in each other, supported each other, encouraged each other. When we were in the hospital on my grandpa’s last day, my nan broke down and said that she didnt know how she was going to be able to live without him. That without him she would be lost. Their love is true, honest to god, soul mate love.

I honestly thought I would never get that. I would never have that beautiful love. I would never find someone who loved me like that. Who 100% loved me for me. Who accepted me for me. Who was always there. Who I would fall asleep next to every night, and wake up next to every morning. Who I would build a life with. Do all the wonderful things my grandparents had done. Get the house, get married, have kids, have holidays, support each other, and love each other no matter what. Find my soul mate.

And then I did. My partner… There are inadequate words in the English language to describe how much my partner means to me. How much better my life has become since we have gotten into a relationship.

My partner makes me want to be a better person. My partner actually does make me a better person. Makes me want to achieve more, and helped me do more. Lifts me up when I need it the most, makes me see the good in situations, drives me to reach further and farther than I ever thought possible.

Because of my partner I have travelled to every continent in the world, something I never thought I would do because I was so engrained that you can’t afford holidays and a mortgage growing up with a single parent home and money being tight. Because of my partner I am currently doing a degree at university, something I never thought I would do because I didn’t finish high school due to all the teenage drama that happens and I couldn’t do it anymore. Because of my partner, I have the dream that I can do what I want to do and make the world a better place through working for something that matters, and through compassion and understanding of others.

Because of my partner I can go to sleep every night with a smile on my face. I can wake up every morning knowing that I am loved. And that I love in return. We are building a life together. We have done so much travel, and have so much more planned. We are currently living in our second home, after upgrading from a small house to a house we can have a family in. And we are going to have a family.

Yeah we will have to go through the IVF process. It will take time. Potentially a year just to find a donor, let alone conception time and then the pregnancy itself. And it will also cost money. Potentially more than 10k per baby. But they will all be worth it. And I honestly cannot wait. I cannot wait to raise beautiful children with my beautiful partner.

And I also cannot wait for the day that my partner, my fiancé, is my wife. Because she is it. She is my soul mate.

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My Mental Health Journey · Random Thoughts and Ideas

Everything You Have Ever Heard About Bullies is Right

We all know the cliche sayings; “They are just bullying you because they are jealous of you”, “They only bully people because they have low self-esteem” etc.

How many of you have heard these, or similar, sayings? Probably most of you, if not all.. And how many of you that has had these sayings said to them thought “Yeah right, whatever”, accompanied by a roll of the eyes and possibly a shake of your head? Again, I am going to guess and say probably most of you, if not all.

But, I say this with 100% sincerity, they are both accurate, they are both correct. Again, I can almost hear the collective sigh as you read this. But bear with me on this, because I dont say it lightly; bullying is a real problem in society, across most age brackets and in all different forms and levels of severity.

I have, like most people unfortunately, been a victim of bullying. I am currently 28, and I honestly still get it at times.. Yes, at 28. If you are in your teen years reading this I with great sadness inform you that even though you age through years, not everyone matures and “grows up” with age. Whilst kids and teens can be cruel, adults can be just as cruel. I wish it werent the case, but in my experience, it is true.

By why would that bully be jealous of me? What do I have that they dont? They have everything in life and I dont. And on the list goes; they are prettier/skinnier/taller than me, they have nicer hair/eyes/skin tone/complexion, they are better than me at sports/maths/literature skills/people skills and popularity, they have more money than me/my family, they have a better job/house/car/spouse than me…. Human envy has no ending. But see how easy it is for your brain to point out how and why they are better/better off than you?

So is it really that much of a stretch to think that others have the same thought processes and journeys that you do? That you can look at them and see good things about them and their life, even if they have an “ugly” side, that they are currently displaying to you. Different people have different ways of dealing and coping with different things. Some people unfortunately use putting others down as a method of making themselves feel better. The theory behind this? If they make you feel like crap, its easier to make you feel even crappier (like wearing you down, the more they push you down the quicker and easier you go down), and when they cant pull themselves up they find it easier to push you down. And when your down, they are up, right?

Depending on the bully, and your relationship to/with them, you may or may not know what about their life isnt so perfect. And it could be any of the things I mentioned above. Or it may be something else entirely, something else I havent even thought of. But this is the important thing – you dont need to spread or increase the level of hatred that exists in the world by then feeding on what they are bullying you with, and responding to their bullying by bullying them back.

As well as being the important thing, its also the hardest thing. Believe me, I get it. It is all to easy for us to listen to what they are saying; we are our on worst enemy. Seeing our own flaws and imperfections and faults is second nature. So when others tell us that we are inadequate we just believe it. Whether its straight away, or whether it eats away at us.

We also have the fight or flight instinct. Which means that another natural response is to become angry. Which also then increases our chances of lashing back at them in a self defense move. But you know what? That makes it harder, makes it worse. Because you then activate their fight response, and around in circles it goes. And goes. But where does it end?

It will take practice, and I feel that it is easier when it is an ongoing issues (due to the re-occurrence), but you can let it go. You can let it not affect you. And once you get to that point, you will feel so at peace. And maybe you do this by recognizing that their life isnt perfect. That they have flaws. That they have things that are unhappy about with themselves. That they arent perfect beings. So long as in doing this you DONT then become the bully yourself. This isnt about doing to them what they are doing to you by throwing it back at them, but by reassuring yourself that whilst you arent perfect, neither are they. 

Or, maybe, when you are having a good moment, on a good day, you can sit and write yourself a reminder list of all the things you like about yourself, and all of your successes. Or start the list and build upon it as time progresses. And it could be anything. A physical attribute, and achievement, even how you felt when you helped someone else. And draw on that positivity in these times. Remind yourself what you are proud of, what makes you happy.

And let their negativity just float past you. Like cars on the other side of the road to you; it approaches you, you see it, and then it is behind you.

And remember, this will take practice to master. You wont get it the first time, but if you practice, you will get it.

On a last note – if you need help, ask for it. From friends, family, loved ones, professionals. There are so many resources available to those who need help. It is never ok for people to make you feel any less of how amazing you are.

Random Thoughts and Ideas

Generational Gaps, Racism, Stereotypes and Narrow-Mindedness…

I feel as though generation gaps do have so much bearing on how people view others and the world.

Whether this is in regards to acceptance of people’s nationality, religion, sexuality, beliefs, education, etc the list goes on…

One thing I have noticed in particular, that it seems to be as generations are progressing that acceptance is increasing and people are more likely to have an open mind to different ways of living. In saying this, this is me making my own stereo-types.

Lets start with racism… Alot of the older generation seem to harbor alot of racist tendencies. And the worst part is that they dont think that they are being rascist. It is just such a norm, just the way of life, for them. It is as black and white, and factual, as the sun rising every day. Whether this is due to both of the world wars, who knows. I can understand if it did stem from fear caused by the wars, but one thing they dont seem to understand either is that war is created from hate; and the only thing that hate is going to generate is more hate, and fear. And hate and fear arent solving any problems. I have been told, in the past week infact, that “my age makes me responsible to gather all of my young friends and stopping all foreigners from tainting our country”.

Stereotyping is another thing.. The amount of older people who have said to me “You kids, you youngsters, your generation” etc. Its like a general consensus like if you are 30yrs old and younger you are arrogant, and selfish, and immature, shallow and stupid. They then seem mind-blown when we show anything that contradicts their stereotypes.

Anything and everything relating to the LGBT community – men should be men, women should be women, and they should stay that way. Men should be with women, and nothing else. If you are in a same sex couple, then you arent in love. Infidelity and lose of love in a heterosexual couple are more acceptable than a same sex couple. Or a transgender person who just wants to be happy and be themselves.

I feel like as generations pass, certain things are becoming more socially acceptable and people are becoming less judgemental, but there is still too much hatred in this world for my liking.