So this is a hard post for me. I dont even know if I will end up finishing and posting this. Or if I do, whether it will be in one sitting..
I have been “sitting on” this post for days now already. This is an issue that really hits home for me.
I believe in true love. I know, it sounds cliche and maybe just plain dumb. But it is the truth. If you have read any of my previous blog posts about my childhood, you know that my parents got divorced when I was a baby. You would also know that my “father” also isnt my father.. What I havent really previously touched on is the fact that from the ages of 4-8yrs old I was basically raised by my nan and grandpa. When my mother left my social father she moved her and I to another state. Then when I was close to 4 and getting ready to go to school my mother moved us in with my nan and grandpa as she preferred the schooling system in this state.. She then began working fulltime. Being a single mum good on her right. Her work ethic is amazing. And I did inherit that from her, and I am 99% glad of that lol. She also worked a lot of overtime. Again, good for her right trying to get as much money as she could. I didnt grow up in child care of with a babysitter, I was safe and happy with my grandparents. And I honestly wouldnt trade that time with them for everything in the world. They loved me so much. And they were my world. I’m not going to delve any further into my mother here, as this is actually about my grandparents. Again, I feel like I am digressing from the topic, but stick with me I swear it is relevant. And the best way I feel I can express how I feel about this..
I grew up wanting the love they had, for myself. And the older I got the more that desire grew. I wanted what they had. (And at this stage my eyes are welling with tears… My grandpa passed away two years ago. He was truly a beautiful soul). I wanted that love that could handle any obstacle that life threw their way. They never had serious, lasting fights (honestly, it was amusing – they would literally huff at each other, tell each other they were cranky, and after a few minutes of silence they were good to go!!). They built a life together, in every sense of the word. There was marriage, children, grandchildren, holidays, houses, cars, pets. They believed in each other, supported each other, encouraged each other. When we were in the hospital on my grandpa’s last day, my nan broke down and said that she didnt know how she was going to be able to live without him. That without him she would be lost. Their love is true, honest to god, soul mate love.
I honestly thought I would never get that. I would never have that beautiful love. I would never find someone who loved me like that. Who 100% loved me for me. Who accepted me for me. Who was always there. Who I would fall asleep next to every night, and wake up next to every morning. Who I would build a life with. Do all the wonderful things my grandparents had done. Get the house, get married, have kids, have holidays, support each other, and love each other no matter what. Find my soul mate.
And then I did. My partner… There are inadequate words in the English language to describe how much my partner means to me. How much better my life has become since we have gotten into a relationship.
My partner makes me want to be a better person. My partner actually does make me a better person. Makes me want to achieve more, and helped me do more. Lifts me up when I need it the most, makes me see the good in situations, drives me to reach further and farther than I ever thought possible.
Because of my partner I have travelled to every continent in the world, something I never thought I would do because I was so engrained that you can’t afford holidays and a mortgage growing up with a single parent home and money being tight. Because of my partner I am currently doing a degree at university, something I never thought I would do because I didn’t finish high school due to all the teenage drama that happens and I couldn’t do it anymore. Because of my partner, I have the dream that I can do what I want to do and make the world a better place through working for something that matters, and through compassion and understanding of others.
Because of my partner I can go to sleep every night with a smile on my face. I can wake up every morning knowing that I am loved. And that I love in return. We are building a life together. We have done so much travel, and have so much more planned. We are currently living in our second home, after upgrading from a small house to a house we can have a family in. And we are going to have a family.
Yeah we will have to go through the IVF process. It will take time. Potentially a year just to find a donor, let alone conception time and then the pregnancy itself. And it will also cost money. Potentially more than 10k per baby. But they will all be worth it. And I honestly cannot wait. I cannot wait to raise beautiful children with my beautiful partner.
And I also cannot wait for the day that my partner, my fiancé, is my wife. Because she is it. She is my soul mate.