My Mental Health Journey

I Cant Tell You What It Really Is, I Can Only Tell You What It Feels Like…

Some of you will recognize this line from Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love The Way You Lie” song. For me however, it is the best description of my anxiety that I have ever heard.

My anxiety isn’t rational. It isn’t logical. It isn’t “sane”. Therefore; I cant always see a situation for what it truly is. I can only see it through what my anxiety makes me feel. I have used this term on here before, but my anxiety is a living, breathing thing. It is like a shadow that floats over me all the time. No matter where I am, or what I am doing, it is there. And sometimes it just hovers and whilst I know it is there it otherwise leaves me alone.

And then there are other times that it doesn’t leave me alone. It whispers hurtful things. It throws fuel onto the fire that is my paranoia. It tells me that no-one likes me. That no-one would miss me if I wasn’t there. That I am useless. That everything I do is wrong. That no matter how hard I try whatever I do will never be right. It will never be enough. I will never be enough.

From the outside I may seem… I don’t even know. I can’t even say “perfect” or “happy” or “together” or any other good adjectives to describe myself. But sometimes I feel so overwhelmed it isn’t funny. That logically I can think “All I have to do is fix one thing/get one thing off my plate and everything will be fine”, but it isn’t always that simple….

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